Snooki Is Pregnant and What Are We Gonna Do About It? (UPDATE)

Snooki, she of the perpetually exposed labia, lover of Britney Spears Curious perfume, vokka, and smushing- above all, smushing- is pregnant. Or at least that is what the world's most trustworthy publications are claiming.

Being the bloodhound journalist with a killer instinct that I am, I consulted a repudiated source in order to get to the bottom of Snooki's pickle. According to Dr. Brian Moylan, PhD in Jersey Shore Studies, while it's likely the story's a fake, it is equally as likely for "Snooki to get far too fucked up to use birth control or remember to take her pills." God help us, everyone.

Updated: Snooki has since denied the rumors. When asked if they were true during a Sirius interview she said, "No. And, obviously, they're calling me fat, so I hate you Radar."

[Image via Getty]