How to Fart In Front of Your New Significant OtherS

Well so, if you couldn't tell I went to summer camp. It is my favorite place in the world because that is where I met all my favorite people in the world. More than that though, most of the things I hold to be true in this world, I learned from my camp friends. And one of those is the Muffled Tailpipe.

The Muffled Tailpipe is the act of placing toilet paper in your butthole in order to stifle the sound of a fart. It is meant to be used with thin walls, new relationships, and/or Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Let me be clear about something: I am a firm believer in letting loose in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend. Or anyone for that matter, if you feel comfortable enough to do so. It is freeing and healthy. Let your buttholes ring, you free-spirited trombonists, you. But as this is not the case for most of you, you are welcome for the sound advice. Sound advice, because farts! You guys get it.

The other thing that's cool about the Muffled Tailpipe is that it can be applied to several different situations. I have compiled a list of appropriate occasions:

  • Your work restroom, specifically if your boss happens to be one stall over.
  • The Theater (a pre-performance stuff)
  • Movie Nights With New Acquaintances, During Which You are Seated Three to the Couch
  • Brunch (Restaurant bathrooms are often singles. Brunch comes with long lines.)

To name a few. Feel free to suggest more scenarios in the comments. And here's hoping that you will one day have the courage to fart like a madman or woman, regardless of who is around. Until then, the MT is at your disposal.

[Image via Getty]