That thing you are staring at and trying desperately to understand is a "Chupacabra/Montauk Monster." Or at least that is what the tipster who sent it into Vice called it. It supposedly washed up on a San Diego beach just last week. At approximately two feet in length, it has the face of some sort of tusked boar and makes a weekly appearance in my nightmares. Whether you believe that it is real or not it is up to you to decide, but I am pretty sure that is the most terrible seademon you will see today. And one more for our collection of Montauk Monsters.
As though Poseidon himself sent me one of his most precious and rare creatures for my traffic day.