Depending on your perspective, Demi Moore had either the most destructive or the most ambitious January in the history of 49-year-olds. Not everyone can pack a penis cake party and a whip-its-related overdose into a single month. But not everyone is Demi.
TMZ reports that, two weeks before the 911 call that led to a rehab stint, Moore was "drinking Red Bull all night" and "kickin' it in the VIP section" along with her daughter Rumer and Rumer's friends at Miley Cyrus' boyfriend's penis-themed birthday party. (Demi may or may not have supplied the whipped cream.) She and Rumer were also seen "clubbing" in Hollywood a few days later.
How did we not learn of this sooner, America? Please make a mental note: A 49-year-old's attendance at a 21-year-old's penis cake party does not bode well for said 49-year-old's future. Ever.