As Gawker's self-styled Foreign Correspondent—I'm expecting an engraved ivory deskplate via International FedEx any minute now—I'll start you off with news from Great Britain, a country so great it tells you so right in its name. (I'm all for taking a red pen to the Constitution and refashioning ourselves as the Awesome United States.)
Princess-in-law Pippa Middleton has rekindled a romance with an ex-boyfriend. He may be loaded, but George Percy's £315 million is the least interesting part of his inheritance. The Sun reports that his family's vast 100,000-acre estate "includes Alnwick Castle, movie setting for Harry Potter's wizard school."
Damn. Mind you, it "includes" Hogwarts. (Pro Tip: 42% of UK citizens are wizards.) What else does it "include?" The nation of Monaco?
Get it, girl. Despite the media's obsessive attention to the Royal Family—and the Extended Royal Family, and Facebook friends of the Royal Family, and anyone who thinks they might have once seen a member of the Royal Family at the supermarket—Pippa has remained poised, even in the face of hard-hitting journalistic inquiries into her no-pants grown-up all-night sleepovers with her last boyfriend. Plus, her butt is awesome. Take note, other sisters of female celebrities.
Best of luck, Pippa, but if this doesn't work out, please rebound with someone who owns a TARDIS.
(Image via Getty)