For many of us, Super Bowl Sunday is less about the football and more about Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl — now in its eighth adorable year. As an alternative to the sports of it all, The Puppy Bowl is arguably (please don't argue with me on this) the greatest programming decision made by any network, ever. The puppies frolic as an announcer narrates the cuteness. At the end, viewers learn how to adopt the little MVPs. Really, it doesn't get any better.
But it could. Imagine a world in which you could turn on your TV and see puppies any time of year. It's hard to think of a scenario in which this wouldn't be a good thing. Going through a break-up? Console yourself with Husky puppies. Suffering from insomnia? Lull yourself to sleep watching tiny terriers spar. Stoned out of your mind? Get lost in a pug's face. An all-puppy channel may not be the solution to the global financial crisis, but it certainly couldn't hurt — these are dark, stressful times, and we could all benefit from some canine distraction.
OK, smart guy — how could a puppy channel be lucrative? I don't know. I'm not a TV executive. And yes, I can see how it might be difficult to find companies willing to buy ads on a station that is entirely puppies, but they're out there. Perhaps an evil conglomerate that needs help softening its image, or those for-profit online colleges that advertise on late-night TV. (They know their target audience: people who don't get off the couch by choice.) And if, like the Puppy Bowl, this puppy channel showcased dogs available for adoption, maybe we'd be able to dial back on those damn Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials.
Look, I'm just a man with a dream, but this is an idea with legs. The demand is out there. Why else would the Puppy Bowl net higher ratings than the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event of the year? (Completely false, but can you imagine?) The Puppy Bowl is a great start toward the kind of mindless, escapist entertainment this country needs, and I see no reason why we can't spread that love throughout the year.
I'll let you know when I set up my Kickstarter page. Until then, you can watch a livestream of the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet's site.
[Image via Shutterstock]