Obama Gives Owl Genocide the Go-Ahead

If you are a barred owl and you can understand these words, know this: your days are numbered.

In an effort to save the spotted owl from endangerment, the Obama administration is moving forward with a controversial plan that incorporates the elimination-by-shooting of that bird's fat, pushy cousin: the barred owl.

In yet another flare-up of the storied East Coast-West Coast Hip Hop Rivalry, the larger and more aggressive barred owl—an East Coast native—has, in recent years, displaced its dainty one-pound relative in much of the latter's historic Pacific habitat.

According to the Associated Press, the government's plan "would designate habitat critical for the bird's survival, while allowing logging to reduce the risk of catastrophic wildfire." Loss of habitat and competition from barred owls are currently the biggest threats to the spotted owl. The logging element is intended to create jobs in the region.

Exactly how many barred owls would be killed remains undecided, though the officials speculate that the number would likely be in the hundreds. The plan also allows for the nonlethal removal of the birds, either by capturing and relocating them or by placing in them in permanent captivity a.k.a. Owl Jail.

While the government previously set aside millions of acres of forest to protect the spotted owl, its population has continued to decline rapidly, sliding down 40 percent in the last 25 years.

When reached for comment, a barred owl tipped his head in that sideways way birds do and responded "Haters gonna hate."

[Image via AP]