Dusty cavern of the perpetually knitting and crafting, Etsy is full of quirky potholders, dream catchers, homemade cat jewelery, and dick stuff. Yeah, dick stuff. Surprisingly (not that surprisingly), Etsy peddles a number of crocheted, Mod Podged, and beaded phallic goods.
Here are 12 unique gifts you can find within the treasure trove:
"Vintage Floral Brooch."
Who it's for: Your zany art teacher. Though she probably never wears it, and certainly never around the kinder, you bet she got a "hoot" out of it when her doula gave it to her commemorate the first full moon after she entered menopause. Or, according to the way it's advertised, anyone too old to shop at Pac Sun and/or Quicksilver will also appreciate its' quiet beauty.
"Lemon Floral Penis Headband."
Who it's for: Party favors at your distant cousin's bachelorette party. She is having a Green Wedding and has requested that all gifts be local and handmade. Alternately, it's great for your little sister who will then innocently wear it in her fourth grade class pictures, where it will be immortalized atop her fair head forever.
"Reticulating Penis Charm Pendant."
Who it's for: No one. An elderly person will fish this out of the bottom of a 99 cents bin at a thrift store and use it unknowingly until it is discovered by an appalled relative.
"Mr. Willy Pilly Car Penis Pillow with fur."
Who it's for: A wise-cracking Dad. He will drive around with this in the back of his mini-van, pointing it out to his kids' friends with a "hard day?" joke, each and every time they buckle up.
"Giant Penis Sculpture."
Who it's for: A homeopathic fertility center. It is placed in the center of a group chant session, though only on specific days during the moon's cycle so as not to offend mother Gaia.
"Vintage Mexican Ceramic Clay Penis Flute."
Who it's for: I actually tried to bring several of these back from Colombia one time. Security was convinced they were filled with coke, and alas, with security they stayed.