As we speak, Gawker Media gadget site Gizmodo is live
blogging writing about the forthcoming release of Apple's iPad 3. Will the new device have a screen? Will it have a blade for stabbing Nook users? Will Steve Jobs descend from the heavens with a chorus of angels? Will the angels be clothed, or will there be "naked private parts"?
I will answer none of these questions in this live
blog papyrus scroll. I will, however, openly gape at
Gizmodo's staff and document it here. Such is the privilege of working in an open-plan office.
11:35 One hour ago, Gizmodo editor Joe Brown sent a staff-wide email about the office sound system: "Just a heads up that Team Giz is commandeering the music at 1PM for the iPad event liveblog. Promise no hardcore. Adrian [Covert] is DJ."
11:36 John Cook switches music to Peter, Paul, and Mary.
12:24 All websites suffer a tech setback. "Working on current site slowness…" the tech staff writes. Gizmodo staff tense. They laugh, but there is no mirth.
12:50 Halfway through "This Land Is My Land," Covert bumps Cook off the sound system. Music switches to Waka Flocka Flame. Gizmodo staff pensive. I wonder if they are worried that they will miss lunch. We're having Asia Dog today, and the office managers are setting up the buffet right now. Will the food be ready in time? Or will Gizmodo's bloggers starve, chained to their computers live
blogging ululating, while everyone else feasts?
12:56 FOOD IS READY. GIZMODO STAYS PUT. Since I am live
blogging chronicling their live blog annals, I miss the early portion of the stampede and end up at the end of the line.
1:08 Back. I got a beef hot dog with mango chutney, and a pulled pork slider with spicy ketchup. Nobody at Gizmodo is eating anything, although Joe approached Gawker social media director Lauren Bertolini while she was in the buffet line. "Something's wrong with the Facebook page admin," he said. "I'll fix it in a minute," she replied, then returned to dressing her hotdog. Mango chutney, just like me.
1:18 Ooh, my boyfriend just emailed and said he saw Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone walking down the street in Chelsea, holding hands. I have progressed to eating Asia Dog's wasabi potato salad, which I have mixed feelings about.
1:25 So, I guess I'll go stand behind the Gizmodo guys and look their computers over their shoulders, now.
1:30 Jesus Diaz does not flinch when I walk up behind him and peer at his screen. "You should pull up a chair, embed," Joe Brown says. The potato salad is starting to give me a tummy ache.
1:32 "Platform? Platform?" "Graphics!" Bunch of numbers. "Quattro." Everyone has Tech Tourette's.
1:38 Just scored an exclusive interview with Gizmodo editor Joe Brown. How is the live
blog discursive exercise going, Joe? "Pretty good. How are you?" Too busy running back to my desk to type up my exclusive interview to reply.
1:45 My live
blog chronicle of Gizmodo's live blog chronicle is #4 on the Gawker Media leaderboard. Pretty sure this is from people typing "Gizmodo liveblog iPad" into Google. Considering becoming a full-time live blogger chronicler of other live bloggers chroniclers.
1:47 On my way back from the leaderboard, Sam Biddle asks about the potato salad. "Don't do it," I say. "My stomach's too nervous anyway," he sighs.
1:57 "Gizmodo's down." "Gizmodo's down?" "Gizmodo's down." "God-fucking-Christ-it."
2:05 Is it over now? I don't even know. Lost somewhere in this avalanche of iPad 3 information, there must be a livestream or something somewhere, but I have no idea how to find it. Gizmodo's writers' voices are more mellow now. Maybe it's over?
Maureen O. Hey everyone, make some Gizmodo jokes so I can put them in my liveblog.
Hamilton N. nerds
Emma C. buncha slut shamers
Hamilton N. what is it, the line for the new harry potter movie premiere, of people camping, waiting for it
oh no it's gizmodo
2:14 Good god, it's not over yet. I finally get around to asking Gizmodo where the fuck I can find this keynote or whatever they're writing about. "No, we're liveblogging other people's liveblogs, because we weren't invited." Ooh, so this is about that stolen iPhone thing? They look at me like I am an impossibly naive child. God, nobody tells me anything. I thought they were just really into live
blogging poetry slams, or something.
2:31 Losing momentum. In Campfire, we have progressed to Photoshopping screenshots of the guy who signs our paychecks. Here's one Max Read did.
2:35 Oh look, here's the guy who signs the paychecks, now. He walked up from his office on the third floor to tell us we're not allowed to use the word "liveblog." I guess he banned that word? What are we supposed to call this exercise in antagonistic office dynamics, then?
2:46 AJ just got an email from the guy who signs our paychecks.
From: Nick Denton
To: AJ Daulerio
Date: Wed, Mar 7, 2012 at 2:38 PM
Subject: Generally our headlines need some work
They're too cute for their own good. Which has always been your problem.
What is the opposite of cute? A booger. I'll add a booger to my headline.
3:01 According to Gizmodo's live confessional, the announcement is now over. Let's survey the tech blog carnage: Here's Gizmodo's big post about the iPad 3. Here's their five-minute version. Here's an iPad kissing story. Here's how to get rid of your iPad 2. Here's how to buy an iPad 2. Here's an iPad comparison chart. Here's the iPad 3's chip set. Here's the iPad 3's screen. Here's an iPad rumor. Here's something about the App store. Here's a 1930's iPad. Here's a post about iOS. Here's a post about iTunes. Good work, Giz.