Reuters reported yesterday that McDonald's is
fucking shaking up its Dollar Menu by removing small drinks and French fries from its list of offerings and tossing up cookies and ice cream in their place.
I am freaking out.
The company website has already been updated. It's as if $1 fries and small drinks never even existed; as if they were nothing more than a beautiful collective fever dream.
As a further insult to we, the meek and goodly patrons of McDonald's, on March 26 the chain will roll out an "Extra Value Menu" highlighting foods it already offered at the same prices at which they were already offered.
Clay Paschen, the owner of sixteen McDonald's franchises in Southern California, tried to hustle in an interview with Reuters, claiming that "The Dollar Menu is still king."
As if a Dollar Menu without fries could ever be regarded as anything but a pretender to the throne.
[Image via Getty]