Hey, non-white Americans: Are You Ready for Some Nascar™? You will be exclaiming ¡si! as soon as Nascar gets this big new multimillion-dollar ad campaign underway. The folks at Nascar have big plans to "attract a multicultural fan base (specifically among Hispanics)."
Just because the infield of a Nascar race has traditionally been a horrifying epicenter of drunken white "real Americans" heartily carousing is no reason to believe that we can't lure some Hispanics in there, as well. To whichever lucky ad agency lands this lucrative new account to convince multicultural types to come see what it's all about, we offer the following script, as a gift. From whites.
OPENING SHOT: At home with a Hispanic family, eating whatever they eat.
[SOUND EFFECT: "KABOOM!" LIGHT FLASHES, SMOKE, EXPLOSIONS (NOT TOO LOUD)]
FAMILY, IN UNISON: Aye, dios mio! Who is that?
MAN, BRUSHING OFF DUST, REMOVES HELMET: It's me, a Nascar driver and fellow American. (SMILES).
FAMILY, IN UNISON: Nascar? What's that?
DRIVER, STILL SMILING: It's an awesome car race. Churros are sold at the refreshment stand. I believe. Have to check that. Come with me, won't you? I'm offering to take you on a ride... to adventure!
FAMILY: Okay, sure.
VOICEOVER, RAPIDLY: Nascar tickets start at $199.99. Visit Nascar.com for details.
[BUT THIS WHOLE AD IS IN SPANISH]
[FADE TO BLACK]
See you all at ¡la carrera de coches!