A puppy so small and delicate she makes other puppies look like oafish Grendelian monsters is now up for adoption in California. The best detail of this story is that the 4-oz dog's name is Beyoncé, so when you read her harrowing biography (won't take long; she's only two weeks old), you can pretend you are reading about Beyoncé the First, Mother of Blue Ivy, Queen of All She Sees.
(Note: All explicitly puppy-related details have been replaced with ellipses to preserve this illusion.)
- …Beyoncé is thriving after escaping death [AND HATERS] several times.
- Beyoncé's mother…was found pregnant and wandering the streets.
- At birth, Beyoncé was not breathing and did not have a heartbeat. The Grace Foundation's veterinarian, Dr. Russell, and executive director Beth DiCaprio were able to resuscitate her.
- Beyoncé was small enough to fit in a spoon when she was born. After two weeks of being fed by hand, she's almost as big as an iPhone.
- The folks at The Grace Foundation are submitting an application to the people at Guinness World Records to see if Beyoncé is a record holder. [She is.]