Kraft’s New Name is Crumbelievably Stupid (UPDATE)

Kraft Foods Inc. announced today that it plans to change its corporate name to Mondelēz International, Inc.

According to a company press release, the name "Mondelēz" (pronounced "mohn-dah-LEEZ") is meant to evoke the idea of "a delicious world."

Monde is the French word for "world." Delēz is a meaningless word with a superfluous diacritic that sort of sounds like how you might say "delicious" if you were very drunk and very sleepy. International derives from the Latin nāscī ("to be born") + the prefix inter- ("between or among") + the adjectival suffix –al ("of the kind of; pertaining to"). It is present in the name to signify the global nature of the business.

But don't go hoarding old Kraft singles wrappers just yet.

Mondelēz, which, even after that etymological breakdown, I keep reading as "Melendez," will simply be the name of the corporate brand, and there are no plans to create any Mondelēz-branded products. The name will be used to refer to the global Kraft "house of snack brands," which includes Cadbury, Oreo, and Trident. (Similar to how Procter & Gamble serves as the "house of brands" for Tide, Crest, and Charmin.)

Furthermore, Kraft's North American grocery division will continue to use the well-known Kraft Foods name (rebranded as " Kraft Foods Group, Inc.") after Kraft splits into two publicly traded companies later this year.

In short, the average consumer probably won't even notice the change.

While it's expected to go through with no problems, the name swap isn't official just yet. Kraft shareholders still have to approve the measure at their annual meeting in May.

The company has already reserved the stock symbol "MDLZ" just in case.

Those Krafty bastards.

Update: The folks at Ad Age have pointed out that the name is also pretty close to a Russian slang term for "oral sex." Maybe Kraft executives should have gone with their backup choice: Blauzhŏbb International, Inc.
[Image via AP]