Canadian Youths Are All Going Out and Puking and Having Sex

This story out of Halifax is ostensibly intended to inform readers that oral contraceptive users who experience vomiting or diarrhea after taking their pills should use back-up methods of protection in order to prevent pregnancy.

Its real value, though, rests in its use as a venue for some of the most outlandish sex and puking-related quotes you will encounter this side of a William S. Burroughs novel.

"I puke all the time and have sex with my boyfriend after."

The young women interviewed for the article are oral birth control veterans (and, judging from the amount of sex they are having, alumnae of the scandal-plagued Degrassi Community School). Yet, despite their years of contraceptive experience, they and the gentlemen who love them were shocked and angered to learn, recently, that a thrown-up birth control pill is less effective than a non-thrown-up birth control pill.

Said one young man, whose girlfriend "is good about taking the pill":

"That's a huge disclaimer that should be on it. Especially at our age, because there's so many people going out, puking and having sex. It's the reality."

But, here's the thing: that disclaimer is on it. It's not huge (and how huge is huge enough? Bold-faced? 24-pt. bold-faced? 72-pt. bold-faced? Serifs?), but it's there, right in the instruction and warning pamphlet.

The real issue here is, perhaps, that the college students in question are getting blind drunk, to the point of puking, and then having crazy, clumsy, often condomless sex. Every weekend.

"I don't really puke when I'm hungover, but I puke a lot when I'm drunk. And ever since I started University, I pretty much have sex every weekend when I'm drunk."

Everybody does it.

"You get drunk, you puke, then you have sex…And it's like: everybody does it. This is something people should know about."

"Too Drunk To Fuck" is more than a classic Dead Kennedys song, guys. It's also an excuse. Feel free to use it. And a condom.

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