Magic Seaweed Toast Will Make Us All Svelte and Popular

Step off that elliptical—gingerly, now, so you don't trip, oops, you tripped anyway, oh God, how embarrassing, whatever, no one saw—the Telegraph reports that a new study has found that eating seaweed toast is basically the same as exercising.

It's not. But let's let them sell it.

Researchers at Sheffield Hallam University in Yorkshire recently conducted a two-week experiment in which they fed either twelve or "nearly eighty" (the university website gives the former figure; news outlets are running with the latter) healthy but overweight men scrambled egg on toast for breakfast.

The toast was served with the crusts cut off. The scrambled egg was added because God forbid anyone should have to choke down a slice of plain bread.

One week, the bread served was prepared the usual way, with salt. One week, salt was swapped out for seaweed.

When the men were presented with bowls of pasta and tomato at lunch, they reportedly ate less on the days when they'd already eaten Frankenstein'd seaweed bread.

According to the researchers, while the taste of seaweed is similar to that of salt, its levels of sodium are far lower. As a bonus, when ground up and baked with bread, the plant acts as a "bulking agent," meaning you should feel extra full after eating it.

Way extra, in fact. On average, it was observed that participants consumed 179 calories less per day after they had eaten the seaweed-enriched toast. (Hence the Telegraph's: "Seaweed toast is same as half an hour on treadmill" headline.) Cutting out just 100 calories a day will prompt "significant" weight loss.

One caution: As you may have by now suspected, the study, carried out by Sheffield Hallam 's Centre for Food Innovation, was, in fact, backed by Big Seaweed.

Funding was provided by the nonprofit Seaweed Foundation, which was itself founded by the for-profit Seagreens Ltd. health food company.

Which was itself founded by Poseidon.

[Image via Getty]