Preparing for Our Waterless Future

Not to alarm you, at all, but in the near future our globe will be a hive of warring city-states in which armies driven mad by thirst slaughter one another over the final trickles of our parched world's last dying streams. That's what the government thinks, at least. Are you ready? You better get ready, my friends.

  • Starting on New Year's eve of 2012, fill your bathub, sink, and all miscellaneous containers with water. Continue throughout New Year's day, and for the remainder of the decade.
  • If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, let it mellow. Your bathroom is a ditch.
  • Instead of drinking water, have you tried drinking sand? Don't.
  • Organize your entire community into a cooperative water-sharing program in which you all pool your meager water supplies for the good of everyone. While they're pooling, kill them.
  • Let's say we invade a smaller weaker, nation. "Okay, where's the water?" we say when we get there. "This is Lesotho. We are a small, landlocked nation in southern Africa. Why in the world would you invade us, of all places? There is no water here," they reply. Well, that's why we brought the lie detector with us, guys.
  • The water may be gone, but there's plenty of hydrogen and oxygen out there if you look around.
  • I wonder how long a human could survive by his own blood. I just wonder. I'm not "looking weird." Come back.
  • Guns don't need no water.
  • Why... just look at that big old ocean out there. Blue and shimmering. The vast ocean, wet and welcoming, and waiting for you to accept its salty embrace. Mmm. Sure am thirsty.
  • Hey, Kool Aid!
[Photo: Moyan Brenn/ Flickr]