It's so simple, babies will swoon. "Boyfriend," the first single from Justin Bieber's upcoming third full-length, Believe (a silly made up word derived from the real word "Belieber"), opens with an eerie birdcall and stark 808 clap. Then Bieber's increasingly present rapping alter-ego, Swaggy Doo (not his actual moniker, but it should be), competently says nothing and mentions eating fondue by the fire. The whatever-ness of these eight bars only makes the resulting hook that much grabbier. Saying hello to falsetto is a joy – a magically mature Bieber sounds as assured as Justin Timberlake or Robin Thicke as he floats over pairs of brusque acoustic-guitar chords in a plea that manages to be anthemic and low-key.

The rapping comes back and it's even more ridiculous. "I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe," he promises (cool Toy Story, bro). And then, he proves just how much he has to say: "Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend / You could be my girlfriend until the (censored) world ends." It goes to show that this diabolical earworm is pretty dumb, but at least when "Boyfriend" isn't seducing, it's giving us something to laugh at. That is swag for the masses.