Jeremy Piven Boring at Oral Sex, Says Stripper Gossip Reporter

I wasn't going to pile on to the story of Sarah Tressler, the "Angry Stripper" blogger turned society reporter who has apparently scandalized Houston media. I mean, who cares? She's a reporter with a night job. Stripper with a day job. Happens all the time.

But then someone pointed me to a "Diary of an Angry Stripper" post that describes the "disappointing" experience of receiving oral sex from Jeremy Piven. And, well, I can't pass up a story about a celebrity hooking up with a journalist, can I?

Apparently Tressler wrote the kiss-and-tell "for one of my NYU profs." (She got a journalism MA in 2009.) She writes that she met Piven when she was an Us Weekly intern. She interviewed him, then he took her home and went down on her:

This is a good song, I thought as his head maneuvered somewhere below my waist. I was kind of also watching TV—a football game was on mute—and finally starting to come to the realization that John Legend was worth all the hype he was getting at the Sundance Film Festival the previous year.

I alternated between being nervous that I was not as hot as his last hookup, being amazed that I was looking at Entourage's Ari Gold eat my pussy, and being bored with how mundane it was. It was all somewhat disappointing, frankly.

To make matters worse, I caused a minor accident that could have been disastrous. I get a bit lively when I'm being intimate, and I threw a pillow off to the side at one point, which landed on the nightstand. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a flash of light.

"Jeremy! The candle— !"

Candlelight is so cliché, anyway.

I am simultaneous amazed and not-amazed that Jeremy Piven would hook up with someone who is almost guaranteed to write about it afterwards. Anyway, the post is actually pretty good, an ode on the vapid experience of starfucking. Now go sell that roman a clef, Sarah, and be sure to send us an excerpt of the section inspired by Jeremy Piven.

Update: Between the time when I started writing this post and when I hit "publish," Sarah apparently made "Diary of an Angry Stripper" private. The links now go to the cached version of the Piven post.

[Diary of an Angry Stripper]