Sellouts These Days Are Nerds

Kids these days are sellouts. As you know. As soon as they set foot on a college campus, boom, they all want to become a "brand ambassador" for some energy drink company or casual clothing brand in order to bless the brand with the hot sexxxy "halo effect" that their young, nubile, innocent bodies offer. Sweet innocence of youth; thou shalt be the biggest generation of corporate sellouts ever, forsooth. Even worse: sellouts these days are nerds.

At least if you're gonna sell out, kids, it should be for some Exxxtreme Intense Lifestyle Brand like Lifestyle Condoms (you love sex) or Mtn Dew beverages (you love sex while skydiving), and all of your fellow sellouts should have Exxxtreme tattoos and play loud "independent" music while doing the latest dances, and having sex. What the hell is the point of selling out for... let me just see if I have this correct... an "internet website???????" From the WSJ:

Students are slipping into lecture halls to write brand names and company URLs on professors' white boards, making cold pitches to strangers on college-town streets, creating Facebook pages, producing videos and lobbying school newspapers to plug the businesses of entrepreneurs in New York City and Silicon Valley.

Students earn neither cash nor college credit. Instead, ambassadors say they garner a different type of currency: résumé fodder.

Okay does this "resume fodder" include smoking marijuana in a logo-emblazoned recreational vehicle as you drive cross-country to hand out free energy drinks to your peers, some of who will have sex with you as their roommate pretends to "sleep" four feet away on an uncomfortable dorm room single bed? If not then ask yourself, kids, "Am I really rock and roll, when it comes to my sellout choices?" Kids.

Kids!

[WSJ. Photo of typical college student today: Matt Joyce/ Flickr]