Bravo announced today that it's giving Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Lisa Vanderpump her own reality show, and, somewhere in LA, Kyle Richards' face flashed dark with hag-like rage before she recovered and said "Ohmygod, I'm so happy for you, you look amazing!"
The new series, which features the working title "SUR" will take viewers where they have already been: behind the scenes of Dr. & Mrs. Vandertramp's "Sexy Unique Restaurant."
Because isn't that just what kept you so riveted to the screen last season on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Those gripping scenes of Lisa and Ken walking lazily around SUR, saying things like "I want these doors to be more open" and "We could put the bar over here. Or over here."
Hopefully there's still a little time to play with the cast list. Here's a rough pitch I just came up with:
- The show will feature Jelly Belly Kelly Killoren-Bensimon, noted Virgo Kim Richards, and Jafar's kid sister Danielle Staub as three waitresses with twenty-one psychotic personalities.
- Brandi Glanville will act as hostess, and her catchphrase will be "I work for tips, kittycat," plus a wink, and she will get a lot of tips and she will give a lot of winks.
- Ramona Singer will be the sommelier, and LuAnn de Lesseps will be the senior sommelier who passive-aggressively corrects Ramona's pronunciation of all the
- Pandora's husband Jason will be a busboy who falls in love with me.
- Bethenny Frankel will be the chef, "Cook," corrects Kelly, "Chef," corrects Bethenny, "Cook," corrects Kelly and on and on to infinity.
- Phaedra Parks will have a recurring role as a loyal, though perpetually dissatisfied, customer.
- When the endeavor inevitably self-implodes halfway through the season, Bravo will bring in Tabatha for a Takeover. Buckling under her stern application of Outback justice, the staff will limp to the finish of the first season's 22 episode run + 3 part reunion special.
- Everyone (at home and on screen and in the Bravo Clubhouse) will take a shot every time Lisa says "Giggy" or Ken says "the Giggster." We will all die of alcohol poisoning, and people will say "It couldn't have happened to a closer group of best friends."
- Ya habibi.
And Lisa's not the only housewife to be given her own show: Kandi Burruss (of Real Housewives of Atlanta and "[When you're out, in the club,] Don't Think I'm Not fame) got one too. Hers is called The Kandi Factory, and was inspired by the recently-aired special of the same name. The series will docment Burruss' attempts to sculpt beautiful popstars out of misshapen lumps of vocal-fry clay; the same thankless work she's forced to do, week after week, for her Atlanta co-stars.
Both women will continue to appear on the shows that propelled them to stardom, thank God.
[Image via Getty]