An attempt to get giant pandas Yang Guang and Tian Tian to fuck in a "love tunnel" at the Edinburgh Zoo has failed, to the disappointment of panda fuck enthusiasts everywhere. Zoo official Iain Valentine told The Daily Record that, though an ovulating Tian Tian "called out incessantly" to her would-be lover, she ended up merely "wrestling" him:
Each time the pair met we saw a huge amount of eagerness and attraction between Tian Tian and Yang Guang. There was lots of vocalisation and encouragement from our female and physical contact between the two. He mounted her several times. However, full mating did not occur. Although both have bred before and have borne cubs with other pandas, they are both still relatively inexperienced.
We are hugely encouraged by how much the natural sparks flew between the two animals, as like humans, not all male and female pandas are attracted to each other. Both were keen to mate but their inexperience showed.
Before zookeepers opened the "love tunnel" connecting the pandas' cages, an increasingly horny Tian Tian "pressed her nose and paws against the grate" separating them. Sounds frustrating.