Armed Nazis Hope to Keep Sanford Safe for White People (UPDATED)

We've been so busy talking about the Trayvon Martin case that we've ignored the "real victims" — innocent white people living in Sanford, Florida. Rest assured, these honest folks are now being taken care of by a patrol of armed Neo-Nazis preparing for a "race riot."

Yeah, it's about as awful as it sounds. Commander Jeff Schoep explains that he's not advocating violence but rather trying to prevent it: "We are not the type of white people who are going to be walked all over." He compared his group's presence to Al Sharpton's, saying that neo-Nazis are simply a "white civil rights organization." I mean, they're really just misunderstood.

The Black Panthers have been offering bounties and all that. But if we called for a bounty on someone's head, I guarantee we'd be locked up as quick as I could walk out of my house.

And while the neo-Nazis' arrival in Sanford is a result of the Trayvon Martin shooting, Schoep is not interesting in taking sides. And why would he, when — as so many right-wing pundits have been eager to point out — George Zimmerman isn't even white?

I think there is some confusion going on. A lot of people think that this guy who shot Trayvon was white ... but he's half Hispanic or Cuban or something. He certainly doesn't look white to me.

See, this has very little to do with the Trayvon Martin shooting: the neo-Nazis just want to make sure white people feel safe. And if members of Sanford's black community end up feeling threatened by a patrol of armed bigots, that must just be an unintended consequence.

UPDATE:
The source for this story has printed a retraction based on information from the Sanford Police Department, who say there are no neo-Nazi patrols in their city.

The Sanford Police Department says it has no evidence of neo-Nazis in the area. "We have not seen any neo-Nazis on patrol nor have we had any reports of them," Sgt. David Morgenstern says. He adds there have been no signs of the New Black Panther Party either.

With no other information, it is fair to assume the story is false.

[Image via AP]