How to Survive the New Black Panther Party's 'Day of Action:' A Guide for ConservativesS

Are you all safely indoors, windows locked, "911" on speed dial? Good. Today, as you doubtless know from reading about it on Breitbart or Michelle Malkin, is the "Day of Action" as decreed by the New Black Panther Party, the most important political organization in all of black America, judging by the level of coverage it receives from Michelle Malkin.

Will you, an innocent white conservative who enjoys a bit of golf here and there like any normal American, survive? It's not too late to try.

KNOW YOUR ENEMY

The original Black Panther Party spawned leaders like Eldridge Cleaver and Bobby Seale, and played a large role in launching an entire generation into political activism. The New Black Panther Party... frequently appears on Fox News. That makes them even more dangerous. The New Black Panther Party is a highly influential and scary black organization for black people who want to rob you and steal your elections via voter fraud and scary rap music terror, just because of your skin color. The New Black Panther represents the secret true thoughts of all black people, just as the KKK or, you know, The National Review represents the secret true thoughts of all white people. (Also, "Black Panther Party= KKK" is a fair statement of equivalence. Do not be fooled.) It's right there in the blog comment sections.

WHY ME, THE INNOCENT WHITE MAN?

The New Black Panther Party and "their ilk" (black people) hate you because you are white and one day long ago a white man who you're not even related to harmed one of their ancestors and ever since then they've been wanting to take it out on you, the innocent white man. How have you ever harmed them? You've never even spoken to a black person, by choice.

How to Survive the New Black Panther Party's 'Day of Action:' A Guide for ConservativesS

WHAT WILL THEY DO TO YOU?

The NBPP'S plans include "No School, No Work, No Shopping... A Day of Fasting, Teaching, and Prayer." How is race war rhetoric like this even legal, in the Land of the Free? What makes their hatred burn so bright? Only the color of your skin, friends.

THE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL

For too long, whites have felt the need to try to "pass" for black, wearing "hoodie" sweatshirts to hide their faces so that marauding bands of New Black Panther Party members bent on Teaching or even Praying with any whites in their path might allow us to slip by undetected. Did you shoot Trayvon Martin? No, you merely smeared his reputation on the internet after he was dead. But now you are being made to suffer by being forced to read a story on MichelleMalkin.com about how a fringe black nationalist group that you have never encountered in real life is planning a "Day of Action" which, while not specifically targeting you in any way, sounds like the sort of ominous thing that black people would do because they don't like you—just because of your skin color. Now who are the racists, black people? Now who are the racists? (Black people.)

HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE?

Surviving a race war is not easy. The enemy has been building strength by consuming a steady diet of welfare paid for by your hard work—lot of good that did! Fortunately, a thorough search of the Archives of White Wisdom has turned up the following Magickal Scroll For Fighting Off Ye Olde Race War: White Person Edition.

(10a) Avoid concentrations of blacks not all known to you personally.
(10b) Stay out of heavily black neighborhoods.
(10c) If planning a trip to a beach or amusement park at some date, find out whether it is likely to be swamped with blacks on that date (
(10d) Do not attend events likely to draw a lot of blacks.
(10e) If you are at some public event at which the number of blacks suddenly swells, leave as quickly as possible.

We may never know the wise white author of these words, but his advice could be your saving grace on this, the terrifying "Day of Action." Stay inside, fellow whites. It's looking black out there.

[Photo: Getty]