Kids These Days Are Horrible at Getting Knocked UpS

What are teens "screwing" up now, literally, more or less, ha ha? Teen pregnancy. Easiest god damn thing in the world. Takes nothing more than peer pressure, lax parenting, and copious amounts of "sizzurp." Still, kids these days can't even get that right.

Teen pregnancy rates in the U.S. are at their lowest point since record-keeping began in 1946. So-called "experts" who sit inside ivory castles in Washington, having gay married sex (adult version) attribute the decline to teens having less sex, or using more contraception, or possibly both. Thanks a lot for that incisive analysis, "experts." America would appreciate some more detailed information about hot horny teen sex, thank you. Very detailed. At this point, all we know for sure is that kids these days aren't nearly as good a getting knocked up as grandma was:

The new numbers elaborate on federal data released in November that found the teen birthrate dropped 9% from 2009 to 2010, to a historic low of 34.3 births per 1,000 teens. That's down 44% from 61.8 in 1991. The all-time high was 96.3 during the Baby Boom year of 1957.

Less fucking than grandma, but way more texting while driving. Teens are expected to be extinct by 2018.

[USA Today. Photo: Ed Yourdon/ Flickr]