The Miami Aviation Department is holding its annual lost and found public auction this weekend and, holy balls, if you are, or are looking to become, a hoarder, this is the gig for you.
The auction is of items left behind at Miami International Airport by the tens of thousands of passengers who slogged through the sunshine state last year.
What kinds of items?
- A meat slicer.
Primo, quality goods that you can basically legally steal from your fellow man.
In addition to those unwrapped objects, the Aviation Department will also be auctioning off 450 pieces of unopened luggage, an idea that is, at best, slightly irresponsible; at worst, a horrible invasion of privacy.
Leaving behind a piece of luggage isn't like leaving behind a pair of fake Ray-Bans. You notice the luggage is missing. You take steps to get that back. You, maybe, keep important things in your luggage.
Or, anyway, you kept important things in what was once your luggage but is now someone else's.
"Did anyone else pack your bags today?"
According to Paul May, who runs the auction, the biggest score on record from an unopened suitcase occurred several years ago, when a man found $10,000 worth of British pounds in bag he'd purchased.
If you have a lot of cash on hand (the auction only accepts cash) and have always fancied yourself a profiteer, you need to head down to the Miami Aviation Department this Saturday.
You should walk away with, at the very least, a couple fetuses.
[CBS Miami // Image via AP]