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Watching America's Next Top Model (now in its 18th cycle) is like visiting a dying friend that I don't even like that much anymore. ("Your wheezing is giving me a headache.") The show's ratings are down, and watching it last night, it was easy to see why: In obsessing over and reiterating its own nonsense jargon, ANTM has become inaccessible to anyone who might casually drop by and excruciatingly irritating to anyone still tuning in. By frequently calling upon terms no one would ever use outside the show like "smize," "tooch" and "fiercely real," this show has painted itself into a wall. What was once a joke is now an inside joke.
And so, ANTM is like Game of Thrones in that if you don't pay attention to the nonsense words that are regularly uttered, you will be lost. Also, it takes place in a fantasy land where most people look filthy and hungry, and the girls sometimes get androgynous haircuts in the hope of advancing their careers. There can only be one ruler (Tyra, duh) and given ANTM's shrinking audience, it seems that winter is coming.