The New York Times' "Room For Debate" is an entrancingly dumb recurring feature in which they get a handful of vaguely qualified people to opine on various important questions such as, "Is Veganism Good For Everyone?" As we have done before, we now offer our own perspectives on an issue of substance: "What Kind of Drugs Did Rihanna Pour on This Man's Head?" Please see this controversial photo of Rihanna preparing to do drugs off of a man's head at Coachella this week for reference.
Rich Juzwiak: Why Would Rihanna Snort Something Off Of A Head That Isn't A Dickhead?
I think this is marijuana. Rihanna has what appears to be a (flat) blunt wrapper in her hand, and she seems to be shoveling the substance into it. Granted, I have virtually no experience with hard drugs, but if she were about to snort something, I think it would be in more pronounced lines and the thing she has in her hand would be rolled up. Also, who snorts anything off a head that isn't a dickhead and even then, isn't the shaft preferable?
John Cook: Crack Is Wack And It Is On This Guy's Head
I don't know what kind of marihuana these kids today are smoking or "blunting" or whatever the lingo is, but the marihuana I know isn't white and it doesn't clump up or crumble and look like crack cocaine, which is what that is on that guy's head. Or crystal meth, maybe. Rihanna is clearly rolling a joint of crack, or mixing some crack with marihuana, which we used to call "Love Boat" in my day except it was PCP instead I think.
A.J. Daulerio: It's Feta Cheese
It's feta cheese.
Emma Carmichael: It's Pot, And She Is Going To Die Of It
You know what's not a joking matter? MARIJUANA. You know what's not funny? PUTTING MARIJUANA ON PEOPLE'S HEADS. Marijuana kills, especially when combined with burning rubber, which is also not funny, because kids are now doing pot out of footballs, according to ESPN. Rihanna keeps openly advertising her addiction to this horrible, natural substance, and that's what we call a cry for help. If we don't stop her from doing pot on men's heads, she is going to die of it.
Hamilton Nolan: DANDRUFF
You nasty, Rihanna.
Jessica Benjestorf: It's A Brand New Drug, Idiots
I'm going to use a Rihanna lyric to summarize my take on the matter: I just wanna set you on fire/ So I won't have to burn alone. As a big Rihanna fan who knows she gets caught smoking weed, like, all the time, I'm gonna have to go with 2 c-p. It's the pharmaceutical drug you're not cool enough to know about yet. How do I know? Have any of you even been to Coachella? Those colors. That outfit.
Leah Beckmann: It's Pot, And I Want Some Of It
Oh yeah, that's definitely pot. I'd venture to guess it's some Orange Kush or possibly a rare strain of White Widow. It's no Super Lemon Haze and probably not one of the 29 enigmatic strains of Purple Haze, but it could be an AK-47 and Cherry Bomb cross-breed. Blunt whatever it is, that is for sure a marijuana heap perched atop the head of that sweaty bald man. He's like one of those women who travels from village to village with a huge basket of laundry on her head. Very balanced and chill as fuck. It's either pot, or the ashes from his hat after Rihanna lit it on fire.
Max Read: Oh, Drugs? I've Done Drugs, No Big Deal
Rihanna did some drugs? [Yawns] I do drugs all the time. You can tell I do drugs, by how casually I drop references to drugs in conversation. Drugs are no big deal at all to me, Max Read. I don't even realize when I'm talking about drugs, constantly, in public, in a loud voice. Marijuana? Ha, I love marijuana, smoking marijuana, out of a jay. Oh, a jay? It's a marijuana cigarette. If you ever need drugs slang explained, I'm your guy. Coke? I assume you mean "blow." Sure, I did blow. I do blow all the time. I call it blow, because I'm really casual about it. "I did rails of blow last night," I just wrote in an email. To my mom. Which drugs did Rihanna do? I'm the person to ask, given my intimate drug knowledge. (Blow, weed, alcohol.) The drug she's doing there? In that photo? Ha, it's like child play. Like I wouldn't know that drug. Which is... heroin. It's heroin. Definitely. Just doing some horse. Some good old heroin horse. Gotta run, I'm super wasted right now, off drugs.
Adrian Chen: Whatever Max Read Said
Whatever Max said. He knows a lot about drugs, for some reason.