Dick: it's always popping up in the strangest places. Earlier this morning, a reader named Monique caught an eyeful on a Queens-bound F from a dude who was "dressed in a rumpled, cheap looking suit, and carried a Jet magazine."

That last point endeared him exponentially (to me, at least); what he did next did not. Here is Monique's story:

I must have dozed off, because when I woke up, I was a couple stops away from home, and he was sitting across from me, wanking away. I was like....is this man for real? Instead of getting crazy on him (which a lot of these perverts WANT, they're all attention-seekers) I whipped out my cell phone. This way, when I got off the train to alert the conductor or any other train person, I would have enough proof to get this ass off the train. When we got to 179th, I ran to find he (or she), and ran into who I guess was the conductor/announcer. I showed them the video and EXACTLY where the man was on the train. THE MAN WAS STILL ON THE TRAIN. And you know what I got? A blank stare.

"Oh, wow. Okay."

That's it. I just worked a 10 hour shift, had a 2 hour train ride home...and that's what I got...I'm a born and raised New Yorker, and I've been riding the train for as long as I remember. I'm not gonna stop going to work and living my life because of this loser. I just want ladies to know that they are in control. We're not powerless!!

This happens all the time. While I might be more inclined to pull a Wifey and take it as a compliment, I get that this makes people feel violated and scared. Monique did the right thing. We're proud of you, girl. Here are a few ways to deal with public dick when you didn't order it:

1. Take as long of a video as you possibly can and send it to us.
2. Say no, and go and tell.
3. Join in.