What Secrets Will Be Revealed in Simon Cowell's New Biography?

Are you sitting down?

Simon Cowell uses black toilet paper at his home.

That's twisted. It's grotesque. It's — well, it's not exactly newsworthy, but it's apparently one of many dirty details revealed in Sweet Revenge: The Intimate Life of Simon Cowell, in bookstores this Tuesday. I guess knowing a man's preference for ass-wiping is pretty intimate. It's just not really something any of us were dying to know.

British journalist and biographer Tom Bower claims to have written the book with Cowell's help, but Cowell himself denies any involvement. And why would he, when such salacious details are being shared with the general public?

Outside of the horrifying black toilet paper reveal, it's unclear what big secrets will come to light. USA Today offers two other slightly more titillating shockers:

-Cowell had a brief affair with former X Factor judge Danii Minogue.
- Cowell gave his ex-fiance Mezhgan Hussainy, a makeup artist on American Idol, a $5 million Beverly Hills house as a parting gift.

Yeah, OK. Wake me up when Simon admits to buying a house in the Hamptons he shares with Ryan Seacrest. Or that he switched Paula Abdul's pills for Tic Tacs. Or that he throws a bottle at the TV every time that ungrateful diva Jennifer Hudson's Weight Watchers commercial comes on.

I'll wait.

[Image via AP]