Yesterday I posted a link to $525 paint-splattered shoes — you, too, can look like a manual laborer. But this was also a call for submissions: what is the most expensive apparel you can buy to make yourself look poor? Here are some of the most egregious items you sent in.
From Maison Michel, we have this "paint-splashed" hat for $755. Or as Gawker reader Ryan B. calls it, an "$800 bird shit hat": "For 800 dollars you can look like a bird SHARTED all over your head."
As long as you're willing to buy pre-owned — and hey, that just adds an extra level of poor person authenticity — you can snag these "destroyed and painted jeans" from eBay for $895. Unless, of course, the bid goes higher. It's actually a steal if you consider that the jeans were originally purchased for $1,300 at a vintage shop in Tokyo.
But since we're approaching summer, perhaps you'd prefer paint-splattered shorts, a much more reasonable buy at $285. Best of all, the paint in question is red, white, and blue, so it looks like you were painting something really patriotic when you accidentally ruined your shorts.
In compiling these high-cost, "low-class" items, I was searching for clothes that looked like something a poor person might have to wear — items seemingly ripped or stained from manual labor but priced far outside a manual laborer's pay grade. Still, it's worth noting that you can spend an exorbitant amount of money on clothes that look cheap by virtue of their simplicity: this stitched white hoodie for $1,235 or this short-sleeve shirt for $1,320.
But then, of course, there are $1,710 dresses designed to look like you live a much simpler life than you do. From the site—
Fishnet prints, waves of crochet, and silks the color of seafoam! Kenzo's debut collection under creative directors Carol Lim and Humberto Leon is living the life aquatic, trawling tiny fishing villages and seaside towns for inspiration.
And you never even have to leave the comforts of the big city, or go anywhere that smells like fish.
There are varying degrees to all of this. This "potato sack mesh tee" retails for a reasonable $185, cheaper than any of the other items on this list but with the added offense of resembling something you would wear if you literally could not afford clothes. Meanwhile, this "finest trash skirt" is a bit steeper at $390, but it's a moral step above pretending to wear a potato sack.
Why spend so much to look cheap? And not just cheap — there's a difference between dressing down, and dressing like you can't afford anything else. Some of this apparel mimics "low-class" clothing so well, you might not even be able to tell the difference between what you bought at Barney's and what you picked up at Goodwill.
I suppose the answer is, because you can — to which I say, keep at it. By all means, continue to spend too much money on clothes that make you look homeless. I don't think it's "class warfare" to say that while the poor keep getting poorer, the rich keep getting dumber.
Oh, and if you're really bored, go ahead and throw yourself a "Depression-era hobo" wedding. Because nothing says the happiest day of your life like waiting in line to buy bread.
Thank you to Sarah P., Alison R., Carlos L., Jay P., Jennifer K., and Ryan B. for your submissions.
[Image via Shutterstock]