What Kinds of Freak-Nasty Things Go On in Disney’s Hyper Exclusive Private Club?

It's a big day for the world's most eccentric billionaires: Disney has announced plans to open up membership to its super secret exclusive restaurant/probable sex thing Club 33 for the first time in ten years.

100 people from the club's 800-person waiting list will receive embossed invitations inviting them to pony up the $25,000 initial membership fee.

Subsequent dues: $10,000 annually.

Like many of the world's most exclusive restaurants, Club 33 is located smack in the middle of Disneyland's New Orleans Square. It was originally dreamed up by Walt Disney himself as a place to entertain dignitaries (Bobby Kennedy ate there) and only the highest class, most discreet of hookers.

According to non-official website DisneylandClub33.com (Club 33 has no official website because it is extremely exclusive, like a popular girl's Super Sweet 16 where you MUST show your rubber wristband at the door or you can NOT get in, this is NOT negotiable), this is what $25,000 gets you in Disneyland:

  • Access to the Club 33 restaurant, where shorts are verboten
  • The privilege of buying your child a meal that consists of a salad, a plate of chicken fingers, and a slice of chocolate cake for $59.00 plus applicable taxes
  • The ability to hobnob with celebs like Mickey Rooney and Mira Sorvino, both of whom have been spotted inside Club 33
  • A small glass vial filled with fake dust (Apparently, club members were recently granted a behind-the-scenes tour of the Haunted Mansion. Everyone got some fake dust.)
  • Entrance to the park one hour early, sometimes.
  • Said Disney Resort President George Kalogridi to the O.C. Register:

    "If you are coming to the resort, it's a great deal."

    Obviously there's more going on here than we're being told. The club does not give out the names of members nor, even, the number of members currently belonging. From this we can assume Bart Bass is almost certainly a member.

    There's also that name. People speculate the "33" comes either from the restaurant's official address ("33 Royal Street") or from the fact Disneyland had 33 corporate sponsors when the club was opened.

    But it's pretty clearly a reference to the highest degree of freemasonry because this is an Illuminati thing.

    Here are some things that $25,000 should get you in Disneyland and, hey, maybe it does and maybe it doesn't, the club is super secret; we have no way of knowing:

  • A small glass vial filled with cocaine confiscated from the lockers of the popstars and Ryan Goslings of today, back when they were tweens filming the Mickey Mouse Club
  • Bi-annual sex parties featuring special guests Mickey Rooney and/or Mira Sorvino
  • A psychic reading with Allison DuBois, who can tell you when you will die
  • A plate of children's fingers for you to feed to your chicken because you are an eccentric billionaire
  • Entrance to the park one hour early, sometimes
  • Anything else?

    [Disney Parks Blog via The OC Register // DisneylandClub33.com // Image via Getty]