USA Today Warns You to Beware of the Kinky Sex Revolution

Hotel room doormat USA Today is the first source that Americans turn to to learn about angels. But what about devils? The devil on your shoulder—and by "shoulder," we mean "sexual organs." Will this Fifty Shades of Grey book your book club wants to read turn you into a dirty little sex fiend slut, that's right, because you know you like it? Or what?

Does the popularity of this middling sex book signal a "Kinky Sex Revolution" here, in America, behind closed doors, specifically yours? No need to masturbate furiously in order to find out. USA Today has the experts' opinions on what the existence of this naughty little slut whore book means for you.

"More people will realize it's OK to explore this and have a fantasy life," says Foley, author of Sex Matters for Women. "It doesn't mean in any way women want to give up the vote."

But just how emotionally safe is BDSM?

Are you sure about that first part? Because I generally insist that my submissive slaves give up the vote, as part of the experience. Remind me to double check.

But he cautions that fantasy and behavior are different.

"For most people, the erotic fantasy is better as a fantasy," he says, because acting it out may make them "feel self-conscious and intimidated."

Whatever you do, do not live out your hot sexy erotic sex fantasies. Opening your body and soul and experiencing one million earth-shattering orgasms as you give yourself up to powerful deep-seated urges beyond your conscious control could make you a little self-conscious, and who wants that? Do not, repeat, do not take any opportunity to do things that you want to do, in real life. You know what I bet you would like to do? Your husband again, same as always. Haha. But seriously. You're not a bad little slave, at all, and we all know that.

"I do not expect massive changes in the bedrooms across America," she says.

Thank god for that. Now you may resume masturbating furiously.

[USAT. Photo: Daniele Devoti/ Flickr]