On this week's episode of The Jennifer Love Hewitt Handjob Hour The Client List , Love's character Riley almost gave her signature one-gun salute to what turned out to be an undercover cop. Thankfully, she knew the protocol (apparently, as a hired masturbation hand, you don't offer anything up, which means you must ask those interested in being jerked off to spell out exactly what they're looking for). She didn't end up getting thrown in jail, where she'd have to jerk off for her life (that's what happens in women's prison, right?), but this incident did shake up her managers/coworkers enough to put the palm-calming on hold for a bit. The montage above is a symphony of blue balls. It reads as a high-concept interpretation of the sad trombone sound. Kind of brilliant.

The episode was also notable for having Riley's close friend figure out that she's a hand whore and get mad, prompting this monologue: "I like my job. I do. Something happens in those rooms. I listen to these guys and I help them with their problems. Sometimes it gets physical, but for the most part, it is something much more important than that. And I really wish that I could make you understand." That's sweet and refreshingly pro-sex work, but no matter what The Client List does or where it goes emotionally, it will never convince me that there is anything more important than handjobs.