A 43-year-old woman in California suffered third-degree burns last Saturday after two rocks she'd collected at the beach SPONTANEOUSLY EXPLODED while she was standing in her kitchen, causing her shorts to catch fire. (The rocks were in her pocket).
The Orange County Register reports that the woman tried to stop, drop, and roll (good thinking – good for her) to put out the flames. It didn't help (wait, does that not work?).
Eventually, she and her husband were able to pull the shorts off.
But listen to what happened next:
The rocks, described as small, the size of a hamburger patty, smooth and orange and green in color, fell from the shorts onto the floor and continued to burn the wood floorand fill the house with smoke.
According to Orange County Fire Authority Captain Marc Stone, "The rocks were still smoking when firefighters took them to the hospital."
What the hell kind of devil rocks are these?
The rocks, which are clearly either alien lifeforms or were forged in the Mines of Moria, are currently being tested by the Orange County Public Health department to determine why they exploded out of nowhere.
Captain Stone thinks the culprit might be phosphorous.
"There is phosphorous that naturally occurs on the sand at the beach, but no one has ever heard of pants catching fire."
Sounds like he's callin' her a liar.
Until they know for sure, nobody touch any rocks or anything at all. Just stay where you are and don't move and hope nothing around you spontaneously explodes.