In case you missed it, TLC ran one of its water-testing one-hour "specials" last week called Birth Moms. These broadcasts are initially one-off in nature, but often spawn series when viewer interest is high enough (Extreme Couponing and My Strange Addiction are two such shows). America likes some garbage (and I'm proud to be an American), but I don't know if the public could stomach regularly scheduled episodes of Birth Moms.

The special chronicled the stories of three pregnant women who were preparing to give their children up for adoption (interestingly, they all had other kids that they had kept). They stayed at a sort of compound that also provided food for them as they prepared to give birth and sign their babies away. It would have been poignant were the three not entirely glib, especially Kandice, a 23-year-old who openly shoplifts, smokes and then goes to a Mexican restaurant specifically so she can drink. Alcohol. While she's pregnant. (Crafty editing doesn't let us know how pregnant, but oh god, does it matter? And also, in the following scene, it is said that she has two weeks before she's due.) And then she needs to retrieve her ID from the cop who arrested her last week for shoplfiting. And then another pregnant girl assumes that the cop's willingness to drive to the restaurant means that Kandice has a "bombay," and I don't even know what she's talking about.

Either Kandice is trolling us or the world trolled Kandice into thinking there was any benefit to publicly showing the depths of human repulsiveness. This show is Bad Girls Club meets 16 & Pregnant meets Pink Flamingos. I never really understood John Waters' disdain for reality TV because he clearly predicted it. Even non-competition shows are competition for who's the most disgusting.

Kandice, for what it's worth, you win. You're the best worst person.