Does Smoking Hot Olympic Athlete Virgin Have a Chance at Popularity?

You wouldn't wish Lolo Jones' problems on your worst enemy. She was an Olympic hurdler in 2008. She's one of the biggest track and field stars in America. Next month, at age 29, she'll be running to qualify for the Olympics again. Imagine the pressure (and the sweating!). On top of that, she has the sculpted body of a world class athlete, the tan of a god, and the beauty of a Hollywood star. Imagine the pressure. And now, in a new segment on HBO's "Real Sports," she's bravely opened up about her ongoing struggles to remain a virgin.

Can Lolo Jones ever succeed in America if people are forced to think about the idea of sex every time they gaze upon her goddess-like body?

Yes, Americans are a patriotic bunch. We support our Olympic athletes with all our hearts. But Lolo Jones is asking a lot of her fellow countrymen—to not only cheer her on in her athletic endeavors, but also to be confronted, every time we see her, with the fact that no one has ever deflowered her scantily-clad bronzed form. It's a lot to expect. Most sports fans are men, and men like women's sports for the sake of the game. They love to analyze what happens out there on the field. What we don't like is the unavoidable omnipresent realization that our favorite female athletes are sexual beings—and virgin ones, at that. Pure, untouched, and waiting, lustily.

Save that stuff for the off-season.

Does Smoking Hot Olympic Athlete Virgin Have a Chance at Popularity?

"Jones explained that she's dabbled in a range of online dating services and specifically uses social media tool Twitter in an effort to find a prospective boyfriend." That means that just about any guy out there—even you, for example—could end up being the one that Lolo meets and falls in love with, growing closer and closer to you emotionally, falling for your many charms, sharing her heart with you, and, inevitably, eventually, at long last, also sharing her body, that most precious and insanely toned gift, with, for example, you. You. And Lolo. Together. As one.

Sorry, but that's not what sells the tickets.

So call us cynical if you like, but we have our doubts about Lolo Jones' ability to thrive in the unforgiving media spotlight. Sure, she might achieve Olympic glory and make it up to that medal stand. But the powerful taint of the barely-restrained sexuality throbbing beneath her skimpy form-fitting outfit will, we fear, eventually condemn her to the same pit of forgotten anonymity that has claimed previous virgin athletes like Tim Tebow.

Unfair, perhaps, but this is a Christian nation.