Fuck Everyone, I'm Out: The Best Unfounded Rumors I Heard While Working at Gawker

When you are a professional rumormonger, people want to tell you things. They corner you at parties and shout other people's secrets. They call your telephone and whisper. They write urgent emails.

They are hopeful; they want their stories to matter. They are crass; they betray trusts. They are rude, greedy, righteous, boastful, vengeful, angry, elated, witty, brilliantly creative, fantastically entertaining, and utterly psychopathic. (Usually not all at once.)

What follows are my favorite unreported tips from three years at Gawker. Some tips went unreported because they are patently fake. Others couldn't be verified. Still others are completely true, but never made it into print for a variety of reasons. Taken as a whole, they provide a portrait of what it's like to rake the muck of the internet, full time.

To enhance the reader's experience, I have given each tipster the name of a historical figure.


A Hollywood Heiress' Blackface Sex Kink

From: Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Fri, May 18, 2012 at 1:31 AM

I just heard a fantastic Scout Willis story I'd like to share.

A good friend of mine had sex with her freshman year. Before they had sex, she took out a small container from her bag and asked him to put it on. He asked her what it was and she said: "Blackface." She wanted to have sex with my friend while he was wearing blackface. She carries blackface with her, so that the guys she sleeps with can put it on. So she can have sex with them in blackface.


Ben Mills and the 400-lb Brazilian Hooker

From an acquaintance of amateur pornographer, flesh suspension enthusiast, and penis-tattooed Brooklyn celebrity Ben Mills:

From: Chairman Mao Tse-tung
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 10:12 AM

i have a porn video of ben mills with 400 pound hooker in brazil , if you can guarantee anonymity to myself i will send it over

From: Maureen O'Connor
To: Chairman Mao Tse-tung
Date: Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 12:41 PM

Sure. I need to know how you got it, though.

From: Chairman Mao Tse-tung
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 9:20 PM

i shot it on my camera when he was in brazil .


When Courtney Love Fucked Brad to Hurt Renée

This Courtney Love tipster sent reams of documents verifying dozens of previously unreported stories. The main reason I didn't finish reporting them is that Love stories are, as a rule, more effort than they're worth:

From: Ögedei Khan of the Mongol Empire
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Tue, Feb 28, 2012 at 4:02 PM

I am a close confidant to Courtney Love and am in possession of a damning text message that she sent to Henry Allsopp that is quite lengthy and in depth about their relationship, and how she had meaningless sex with actor Bradley Cooper and enjoyed it only because he is the beau of Renée Zellweger.

From: Ögedei Khan of the Mongol Empire
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Wed, Feb 29, 2012 at 3:11 PM

THis was sent to henry allsopp and I was cc'd. The hungarian she speaks of is Andre Balazs. She spoke to me at length of the love triangle between Andre Balazs, Lord Henry Allsopp, and Bradley Cooper and I can do an interview about it as well.

the text I forwarded to my phone upon receipt and I don't have a photo of it, but I can verify in other ways that I was her employee and have much correspondence I could share.

its so warm in this room, so stuffy, im going to open some windows, i want so much for the check to cash so i can paint the place, in lovely farrow ball creamy blues, and i dunno why but i was thinking or semi dreaming about you. Next time we speak i have a question for you, Ill let you talk for an hour, if youd like, but you asked me a tough one, and yes, i overanswered, but not often does anyone ask me, so you owe me an answer to mine, i almost am tempted to ask it in email, maybe ill type it and see what it loooks like in print.... why do you fuck me like a whore>?? why cant you make love? is it just me? can you make love at all? im intensley curious, i know very much that theres ghosts everywhere between us, but it doesnt seem to stop my mind wondering, i know that if we opened up to one another we would become intimate, and i know that if we were to become intimate- its all right and fun in tabloids and telegraphs, oh ho ho, its like a funny cartoon, and you see what a catchy fantasy THAT is, and what an unmitigated disaster, for you certainly. not so much for me, except that you frighten me very much, you arent like ..., your much more like kurt than you know, your helpless like that, and i need a daddy of some sort i suppose i need someone to take care of me, im not speaking of the outside world, im speaking of between me and you alone and with nothing all that much in "common" - its sort of a disaster socially, but i have looked across the bed in the morning and wondered what you would look like there, wondered if i could catch your respect as i know you dont have it for me as an artist which i find to be a shame, it doesnt make me liek you less, yes it does, it pisses me straight off, because there is no way you belong in that spot, if you cant and dont respect my work, but ive seen you there asleep sometimes, wondering to myself? hmm. what an unlikely pairing. yet youve3 never made love to me and i dont even know if youve made love to any woman because i dont know,,,, i think its impossible someone as beuatiofully lovely as you cant do it, i think you hold yourself back from me, and i hate the way you flip flop, when you kiss me and its good you run away, when your just this side of fucked up , its stupidly perverse, and yes i can hang like a whore, a few times, a lot, but sometimes a woman needs to be ravished, needs to just be taken and taken in a way thats beautiful, it advances the story you see, but beyond that, it feels good, it feels right, im very picky about my lovers, especially these days,. i slept with that movie starup and comer bradley thats dating renee zellweger, movie stars love me, i pull so fast with them its ridiculous, and i made him wear a condom ill have you know , i was just doing it to see what someone i barely likes whose very pretty felt like and felt other than smug about fucking, and thats what it was, renee zellwegers boyfriend, almost detached, it wasnt me, it wasnt in this bed anyway, it was at the mercer which doubled the perversity of it, i wish it had been at the four seasons or something, it wasnt very much of anything, he scored , i scored we left , no harm no foul, there isnt a second shot coming for him bradley, BRAD... please what a name, brad acts and struts like every movie star lover ive ever had, on the precipice of the Big Time Cheese Street hes going on, he got to fuck the bad girl and oh ha ha, ig ot to fuck the up and comer, and stab that mewling faced zellweger in the back plus the petite hungarian because he wanted to show off to that lobby, so i went along with it, not to the point of rudeness and vulgarity just to the point that nothing leaked but everyone knew when hed had his second drinkk and asked me to his room,. you know hen, the truth? the real actual truth? i paused, hes very pretty this brad, but hes useless, i jst had to force myself, im in a sexual prime and well, whatever, but i thought of you, i thought of how wed never had each other, in any real way, a few real kisses, thats all, i thought about looking in your eyes when they light up, yep, i could utterly go there . yep. i could. but im the girl, you frighten me because we both have - forgetting the social realities of this fantasy, delusion whatever, - problems growing up, and id have to be the strong one and id have to be that again, but maybe.... oh fuck shoudl i erase all of this now? probably, you loathe these matters spoken of, and i know that, and i do apologise, but deep down i desire it, and i fear it, and i know you fear it even more, and just in case you think i dont know why, i do , hen, i do, so it skims along the surface? where does it go this impossible potential thing? unlesss of course yoru actually deformed and simply can only fuck and cannot make love, which is impossible. you just cant wont make love to ME, but i would to you, which makes it a little lopsided doesnt it? whcih makes me the pathetic one, ewhich im not likely to keep being. its like every day and every minute, but despite the fact that thats never happened, it sort SORT of has, ive seen you and felt you and youve certainly thrown me around in a way that no man really ever has, but you burned, and didnt bend and i didnt know you yet, i never surrendered myself to you, it is a profoudn experience, or at least it dammed well should be,m not in our worlds were told its nothing, but its not true, bradley coopers aside, that meant nothing, i almost said no you know, i almost walked away, the mere act itself should change us, shake us make us see ourselves and each other differently, i didslike this worlds idea that sex isnt about people or relationships, that it is merely a distatsetfulbiological imperitave, that it does not involve hearts or minds or souls but only sticky engorged parts, that sex really isnt that impoirtant, that EVERY ONE IN THE WORLD HAS SEX THE SAME WAY, that it shows us nothing of importance about ourselves or each other and therefore has no place in any discussion, you make me feel unaccountably nervous or unaccountably calm, something shifted somewhere anyway, without sex, making love, whatever, you seem to make me feel good, not all the time, im not weeping joy, you make me smile when i think of you, i think its a slow thing, its a slow thing, it a slow thing and i like the way you smell and i love i do love the grace with which you move, and i love your graces, they are many, and they make me want to learn from them. i think i ll send this to myself and one day i will show it to you henry if and when you ever choose to make love to me, and if and when that happens please know that i have wanted that for a good 6 months now, and wanted it very badly, and i know thew consequences might be diffficult, but i dont expect from you anything you arent willing to give. i trsut in your honour and your courage enought o know that you turn away from the good kisses, because you know and becaus eyou are wiser than me, and because you know the consequences of what will happen, but , and heres the wierd part, when like a ragdoll, i sucked in bed with BRAD - i did make him get me off, and when that happened i almost said your name, it almost came out of me, i certainly thought it. and thats when i knew i had to ask you this very difficult question which ive possibly answered anyway, but when i have seen you on the other side of the bed once or twice ive admired you, ive admired you, ive thought " i shpuld be so lucky" ive wondered if you know, its just a deep deep deep well, you and me, if it is dipped into i dont see the world on fire, i just want to sleep with you. sleeping i mean, in your arms, not to be left like a hooker at 4 am, i want to be comfortable you to be comfortable with our limbs entangled, i want to be home and dry, and learn to understand and even love the cricket, if it doesnt happen, well i think i suppose it miught be a shame. but maybe not, im slightly ambivelent too, you know, mighty mighty ambivelent, but... ok im done you hear me. or you dont , ill save this, if we fell in love, would the world blow up? possibly. but only because were both frightened of it doing so, we have alot more alliances than you think i think. and i think were very very very VERY powerful together. thats what i think. socially, yes its complicated, but you can tame me, id be delighted for you to tame me in fact, as long as you arent cruel to me, id be delighted to be cherished by you, i know that i am,. in your secret heart, but id be delighted by the complexity of it, in fact, its possible one of the most intriogueing things about it outside of you and me ahd our privacy, you can tame me, ill give you that honour that ive passed to no man ever iun doing so, youd better grow the hell up. and i will do same. either way were going to altear the other . either way i guess we already have you showed me that i was not in a love affair but in an abusive nightmare, and i should be embarassed by it, and i am. i wodner what it would be like to belong to you henry allsopp and noone else, and to be loved by you henry allsopp and to have the courage to live up oto all the things you have to live up to. i wonder if i could take it? yes i think if motivated i could,w uld embrace it, your sort of great and awesome, and maybe well see someday, we have alot of ghosts and other loves, and things of that nature between us, but thats kid stuff compared to this. so maybe - you move me is all, something inside of me moved beacsue of you and we havent even made love and i find that to be remarkable. yes i should like very much to belong to you. i think.


Chris Brown and 'The Occasional Femme Queen'

From a gossip industry insider, addressing Chris Brown's gay rumors:

From: Il Duce del Fascismo Benito Mussolini
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Thu, Feb 23, 2012 at 3:33 PM
Subject: Re: Is Chris Brown gay?

No.

From: Il Duce de Fascismo Benito Mussolini
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Thu, Feb 23, 2012 at 3:38 PM
Subject: Re: Is Chris Brown gay?

Or rather, just transexuals. "He may mess around with the occasional femme queen from what I hear."

From: Il Duce del Fascismo Benito Mussolini
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Thu, Feb 23, 2012 at 3:38 PM
Subject: Re: Is Chris Brown gay?

Though another guy says Chris Brown might have fucked around with brother of a friend of his.


The Wisconsin Governor's Secret Love Child

From: Countess Elizabeth Báthory of Hungary
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Tue, Feb 22, 2011 at 6:26 PM

I have, at this point, what is just a rumor, but it's one from a reliable source and would be a GREAT scoop if it could be verified. Our high school educated Governor Scott Walker is reported to have been tossed out of Marquette University for impregnating a married, 30 year old woman. He is SUCH a family values guy.

From: Countess Elizabeth Báthory of Hungary
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Tue, Feb 22, 2011 at 11:36 PM

Source has ZERO interest in being outed or even speaking on the record. Clue: long tenured faculty member. Scotty's wife can't be (or very unlikely is)"the" woman—she was 30 when he was 18-19 and they aren't that far apart in age. I wish I could give you any more information. I'm not sure if he was thrown out of Marquette or made a deal to leave. Marquette is either a Jesuit or Catholic college—not sure if there is a difference, I plead religious ignorance, and this was in the mid 1980s. Clearly someone made some noise to bring it to the point of his kick out/leaving. Somewhere out there is a[n out-of-wedlock] Walker kid about the same age as you are, though doubtful the last name is Walker.


Nick Denton Dick Pics 4 Sale

From: Walter Cronkite
To: A.J. Daulerio
Subject: Nick Denton's Penis

I have a picture of Nick Denton's penis. How much will you pay me for it?

From: A.J. Daulerio
To: Walter Cronkite
Date: Thu, Mar 29, 2012 at 12:40 PM
Subject: Re: Nick Denton's Penis

$45.67

Before determining that the above tip was a fraud, A.J. confronted Denton, causing the latter to avert eye contact and murmur, "Oh no."


The Least Juicy Media Tip Ever

From: Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak
Date: Thursday, July 21, 2011, 3:46 PM

Subject: Lloyd Grove

Just fell off his chair in the newsroom of Newsbeast. For no apparent reason. Was talking to someone, and just fell off his chair. Said "I lost my balance."

My source says, "We are all trying not to laugh."


The White Supremacist Who Robbed the Cradle

Fuck Everyone, I'm Out: The Best Unfounded Rumors I Heard While Working at Gawker

A tip about 60-year-old Peter Brimelow, editor of white supremacist publication and John Derbyshire employer VDARE:

From: Anarchist Emma Goldman
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Fri, Apr 13, 2012 at 3:34 PM

Subject: this photo alone should make you want to do a post

brimelow and his very white daughter wearing a very white outfit. that's his daughter, not granddaughter…

"Peter Brimelow (born 1947) […] married Lydia Sullivan, a 22-year old Heritage Foundation intern, in 2007; they had their first child, Felicity Brimelow in August 2010."


Gawker Gets It Twice

From: Vlad the Impaler of Wallachia
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Tue, May 29, 2012 at 04:18 PM

Hamilton Nolan is a Tallahassee oil heir. AJ has two assholes.


I'll Call Her While Pooping

From a person who heard I was leaving Gawker:

From: Pope Alexander VI
To: Maureen O'Connor
Date: Wed, May 30, 2012 at 12:31 PM
Subject: Going away present

I discovered quite by accident recently that I had Ariana Huffington's home number. Perhaps you already have it, but if not: [psyche, I am keeping this one for myself]


The Rest of the Best

And finally, a laundry list of rumors whispered to me at bars and parties, by people who thought said rumors worthy of publishing:

  • "Milo Ventimiglia has the biggest dick I've ever seen."
  • "Rose Byrne has the driest skin I've ever seen."
  • A strange, sketchy rumor about a venture capitalist beating his media darling ex.
  • A strange, sketchy rumor about a B-list actress with two assholes.
  • A glorious (if perhaps too perfect) story about Dominique Strauss-Kahn hitting on the first lady of an Arab nation during a diplomatic mission for the IMF, then engaging in a frat boy discussion of her hotness with his colleagues.
  • "James Franco isn't gay. He slept with one of the girls from America's Next Top Model."
  • "Dan Abrams wears a toupee."
  • Random Girl: Off the record, my roommate is a slob.
    Me: Why would I want that on the record?
    Random Girl: I know how you work.