John Edwards' campaign finance fraud trial ended today in a manner so shambolic not even your mistress' spiritual advisor could have foreseen it.
After nine days of deliberations, the jury was only able to reach a verdict on one count: Edwards was found not guilty of accepting illegal campaign contributions from Rachel "Bunny" Mellon, a 101-year-old multimillionaire heiress, in 2008.
Judge Catherine Eagles initially called in jurors to read a verdict on all six counts, before learning they had only reached consensus on one. After an hour's further deliberations, the jurors sent her a note saying they had exhausted their discussions and remained deadlocked.
Judge Eagles declared a mistrial on the other five counts.
Edwards was accused of using $1 million in campaign donations to hide his extramarital affair with Rielle Hunter, a woman whose Wikipedia page is very crazy and well worth a perusal. ("Known for: The horse murders scandal, [Jay McInerney novel] Story of My Life, John Edwards extramarital affair, Internet political media producer")
If Edwards had been found guilty of all six counts of violating campaign finance laws, he would have faced a maximum of 30 years in prison.
By his own admission, Edwards was guilty of sin and not much else:
"While I do not believe I did anything illegal, or ever thought I was doing anything illegal, I did an awful, awful lot that was wrong and there is no one else responsible for my sins."
He added that he wants to work with poor kids now.
It's unknown whether prosecutors intend to retry Edwards on the other counts.
The Washington Post says not to bother.