Don't Look Now But A Whole Freaking Galaxy Is Coming Straight For Us

Yeah, don't get up off of your La-Z-Boy reclining chair or anything, but just to let you know, right this very second, while you're seeing how many Cheez™ Stix you can fit into your mouth before swallowing, there is a whole freaking galaxy of super-hot flaming stars COMING RIGHT AT US.

The fun guys over at NASA, who love to make us all feel better, now say for sure that the Andromeda galaxy—made up of countless billions of huge burning fireballs way bigger than this entire planet—is going to crash directly into our pussy little galaxy, The Milky Way, sending all types of gravity waves and shooting space flames all through the whole shit, right where you live (The Milky Way). Imagine a guy on a video game who can shoot fireballs at you. Now imagine that he shot billions of them at you and they're all unimaginably huge. Yeah, that's what's coming at you right now.

At 250,000 miles per hour.

As you take your eyes off the droning television telenovelas that have come to define your dreary and ultimately meaningless life, you glance out into the night sky and spy a bright light. What is it? Oh nothing to worry about, no reason to stop playing Tekken and masturbating, or anything, it's just, hmm, oh yes, THE ENTIRE ANDROMEDA GALAXY plowing into our own like a spinning frisbee made of fire that's the size of about a trillion football fields, and all of them are white-hot. Seriously, don't get up. That slight pressure you feel is nothing more than our ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM being tossed out into the far reaches of The Milky Way thanks to an astronomical event of unimaginable proportions, as Lucky Charms-flavored milk drips down your chin, but you don't bother to wipe it off, because you're all alone, so whatever. Dipty-doo, just the horizon-filling light of a million suns bearing down upon you, that's all.

It will be here in four billion years.

[NASA]