Last night, ABC premiered its new summer-trash reality series, The Glass House. It's been accused (in a lawsuit no less) of being a rip-off of Big Brother, due in no small part to it having wrangled close to 30 ex-Big Brother employees. It is a pretty big rip-off of that show, though you could make the argument that Big Brother is a rip-off of The Real World and that everything is a rip-off of everything, for that matter. Welcome to the post- world, CBS.

Anyway, its similarity to CBS' garbage apotheosis is a good thing (duh!). Thankfully, The Glass House is just as well cast as Big Brother, with dim eccentrics who say things like:

  • "I consider myself fat hot."
  • "I have a European attitude towards things."
  • "Let's not say we're not gonna lose because that is exactly how you lose because the world curses people who say that."
  • "I'm an idiot when it comes to smarts."

That last one would take the cake were it not for Alex, the subject of the video above who repeatedly refers to himself as "Prime Time 99 Alex Stein" (presumably a reference to his old football nickname – he was the captain of his high school team, which he announced because of course he did). In one of the show's weird audience-inclusive turns, which regards interactivity with the naivete of 1999, the contestants were each allowed to poll the audience on a single question and Alex asked if he should become "the most epic villain in the history of reality TV." Seriously. Every word in that is stupider than the last one.

Anyway, the audience said yes, of course. I guess this would be a huge moment for fourth-wall breaking if the house that they lived in had obscuring walls. But alas, this is a glass house and Alex is merely stepping up to the plate. This kind of self-consciousness used to be taboo in reality TV, where referring to "the show" was once a no-no. Now it's standard practice. Prime Time 99 Alex Stein is its goofy face.

He's a garbage person to match a garbage show insofar that he is compulsively watchable. Oh man, he is great at being horrible. He critiques the smell of people's poop. I know we shouldn't feed the trolls, but I can't help it — his mouth looks so funny when he chews. Wanna watch him freestyle? OK.

After one episode, The Glass House seems to be as addictive as glass. Not actual glass, but you know, meth. Look over and see how they determine who's put up for "limbo," which is where they go before they're eliminated. It's so stupid. Adam Graham described it on Twitter as "Minority Report meets Wii Sports and it's the worst." He is right, of course, except that it's also the best.