Do you ever watch Downton Abbey and think "That's the life for me," only, for some reason, you are referring to the miserable lives of the drab little servants rather than the opulent, ennui-filled ones of the well-heeled Crawleys?
Now you can make your surprisingly non-ambitious dreams a reality: Queen Elizabeth is looking to hire a House Manager for Buckingham Palace.
The job listing on the Official Website of the British Monarchy, first noticed by ABC News, describes the position as "challenging and exciting," not least of all when your estranged wife shows up to extort you by threatening the noble family you have grown so to love.
The House Manager is in charge of coordinating events like lunches, state banquets, and other receptions at Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle, and St. James' Palace. He or she works with a budget of about $3M and leads a staff of approximately 60.
The ad says that candidates must have had extensive management experience working in a 5-star hospitality environment, but you can probably get away with just being an old war buddy of Queen Elizabeth II as long as you've got a certain twinkle in your eye.
You should also have strong leadership and people management skills, be an excellent communicator, blahblahblah. As long as you say in the interview that your biggest weakness is that you are a perfectionist—a creative answer that will make your interviewer's monocle pop right off his face—you've pretty much got the gig.
The best part is that it pays pretty well: about $78K a year, which does not include all the cutlery you will stealthily pilfer once you have earned the Queen's trust.
All meek requests to personally serve the British monarchy are due by the 4th of July. (Rude.)