Starbucks to Take a More Active Role in Ruining the Way You Enjoy Tea

Mom-and-pop coffee shop Starbucks is poised to expand its brick and mortar empire (slightly) further, as The Seattle Times reports the corporation is planning to open a tea-only store near the company's headquarters in Seattle.

The store will operate under the Tazo brand acquired by Starbucks in 1999. It will sell hot teas and iced teas and good teas and bad teas and yum teas and yuck teas.

The big selling point is that the store will have its own blending station where customers can create their own versions of existing Tazo teas – otherwise known as "doin' all the damn work for free."

After getting overwhelmed by choices and creating a horrific Franken-tea incorporating 900 separate clashing ingredients, patrons will have the option to take their shame home in pouches or have it brewed up right there in the store.

Starbucks spokesperson Holly Hart assures the CNNMoney blog that the environment inside the Tazo shop will be very pretentious, overly-complicated, and horrible:

"It's very much about personalization and interaction and immersing yourself in all-things tea. It's not going to be the typical grab-and-go experience...If you think about going to wine tastings where you're standing up, sipping and talking about the flavor profile, that's what this store will look like...It's about the interaction, talking about the flavor and the blend of the tea."

But what if you just want to walk in, get your tea, and leave?

"You're not going to walk in, get your tea, and leave."

:(

The Times reports that the news of the teaterie is nothing less than a godsend for Susie Plummer, the general manager of the shopping center in Seattle where it will open.

"I've been looking for a great tea store for about 10 years," she said.

Those wishing to experience the exquisite pleasure of a visit to the Tazo tea store without booking a flight to Seattle are encouraged to go to pretty much any grocery store in America, buy Tazo tea, and make it at home.

The company has no plans to open any other T-zones, for the time being.

[Seattle Times via Newser // CNN Money // Image via Getty]