California, the doomed and sun-scorched absurdity ruled by Bloods, Crips, Mickey Mouse, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, will sink into the thirsty lips of the merciless ocean by century's end, according to scientists. The time to flee is now.
Sea levels along the California coast are expected to rise up to 1 foot in 20 years, 2 feet by 2050 and as much as 5 1/2 feet by the end of the century, climbing slightly more than the global average and increasing the risk of flooding and storm damage, a new study says.
The trend will only be exacerbated by the inevitable and long overdue earthquake that will, we can confidently predict, send the Gomorrah-like land of small time porn actresses and "medical marijuana"-using venture capitalists plunging further and faster into the Pacific's soul-cleansing depths.
The fact that you (and likely your children and grandchildren, all of them riddled with melanoma from the UV-dealing cancerous California skies) will be long dead by then may be taken as a measure of comfort.