All eyes were on Croatia for half a second Tuesday after an old video of a pregnant Beyoncé standing next to a blue tree and drawling some mess about how it appeared to be covered in blue ivy was "discovered."
The video itself is actually nothing new. It was posted on Beyoncé's official Tumblr, the Internet's number one source of Beyoncé mysteries and also pictures of Beyoncé hanging out, months ago. It was one of the first things she threw up there, in fact. Its appearance predates this old glamour shot of her mother, Tina Knowles, and this image of chocolate covered cherries dusted with edible gold leaf (lest you see the chocolate covered cherries and fail to realize immediately they are something that is fancy) by several weeks.
But now the clip is all anyone who loves Croatia and Beyoncé can talk about. It's even earned Blue Ivy honorary citizenship of Hvar, the seaside town (on the Adriatic island of the same name) where the tree is located.
According to the CIA, conscription in Croatia was abolished in 2008, so it is unlikely Blue Ivy will ever be called upon to serve in the Croatian military. Also, if she did receive a summons, she could just ignore it because she's not a real citizen.
In a letter from the future, sent before his claims about the origin of Blue Ivy's name brought huge media attention and great tourism promotion to the town and island, Hvar's Mayor Pjerino Bebic addressed Beyoncé and Jay-Z directly:
"The story of the origin of your girl's name, Blue Ivy, has brought huge media attention and great tourism promotion to the town and island. Because of this, I have decided to grant your daughter the status of honorary citizen of the town of Hvar."
Beyoncé and Jay-Z first visited Hvar, the land that would later claim their daughter, in September of 2011, just after news of the pregnancy broke. In his letter, Bebic also invited the Knowles-Carters to come back anytime, as if the lack of a formal invitation was all that was keeping them away.
Contrary to the mayor's implication, the dialogue of the video doesn't appear to indicate that Beyoncé chose to name her daughter Blue Ivy because blue ivy happened to be what she was looking at right at the moment Jay-Z started filming. That's how tweens caught in a lie come up with names, George Glass.
"We woke up this morning, took a nice little walk and passed by this beautiful blue tree. I think it's blue ivy, which would be quite appropriate."
If anything, it sounds like she had already settled on the name and was looking for imaginary signs to support her decision, like how you take a half-off sale as proof you are following God's will after you have already decided to go shopping.
In fact, does that even look like blue ivy to anyone else? Just kind of like a tree that has been spray-painted blue, right?
Issues of Beyoncé's dubious naturalist credentials aside, this is not the first time the noted Illuminati-member's official Tumblr has produced a confounding, da Vinci code-type mystery.
Earlier this month, Knowles posted, without commentary, an excerpt addressing the color "blue" from Rebecca Solnit's 2005 novel, A Field Guide to Getting Lost, and everyone freaked out about how maybe Blue was named after this passage and also how the "the world is blue at its edges and in its depths," which is deep stuff.
The Internet has also recently unearthed video of Beyoncé participating in a "super secret handshake," the mechanics of which have yet to be fully unraveled.
[Dalmacjia News via Time // Video via Beyoncé's Tumblr]