The Miami Cannibal Wasn't on Bath Salts or 'Spice' or Jenkem or Rainbow Parties

Which dangerous, trendy nightmare drugs was Rudy "Miami Cannibal" Eugue "tripping balls" on when he tried to eat the face of 65-year-old Ronald Poppo in May? Was it "bath salts" — "the new LSD"? Or "Spice," the "synthetic marijuana"? Or was he on LSD, the "old LSD"? Or was it cocaine psychosis? Or was it all of the drugs at once?? Let's look at the coroner's report to find out:

"The department has ruled out the most common drugs found in ‘bath salts,' a press release from the ME's office said. The toxicology testing "has identified the active components of marijuana," the release said. "The laboratory has tested for but not detected any other street drugs, alcohol or prescription drugs, or any adulterants found in street drugs. This includes cocaine, LSD, amphetamines (Extasy, Meth and others), phencyclidine (PCP or Angel Dust), heroin, oxycodone, Xanax, synthetic marijuana (Spice), and many other similar compounds."

The ME's office said it sought the help of an outside forensic toxicology lab, "which has confirmed the absence of ‘bath salts,' synthetic marijuana and LSD." The ME's office said that "within the limits of current technology by both laboratories," marijuana was the only drug found in Eugene's system.

Marijuana! Rudy Eugene, dangerous Miami zombie, was on the trendy new drug marijuana, which your teen is probably doing right now.

Let's flash back to May 29th, when Miami Fraternal Order of Police President Armando Aguilar told reporters that "entire incident is the fault of a new drug trend": bath salts, which he described as "LSD." Bath salts, again, were not in Rudy Eugene's system; neither was LSD; for that matter, LSD and bath salts — or Methylenedioxypyrovalerone — are entirely different drugs.

Not that bath salts are cool — they are scary (and once in a while sort of funny). Just, sometimes, bad stuff happens without the involvement of the moral panic of that particular month. Sometimes it's just the nightmare drug pot.

[Miami Herald, image via AP]