The Yogurt Wars Will Not End Until Every American Is Eating an All-Yogurt Diet

The battle for the heart and soul of America's yogurt preferences is a marketer's version of brutal and ceaseless trench warfare, as you, the consumer, are bombarded by wave after wave of new yogurt product from a mind-blowing variety of yogurt factions, all hoping to deluge your taste buds with just the right yogurt flavor to make you a yogurt addict of their own particular yogurt variety. Are you ready, America—for more yogurt?

Greek yogurt factions have wrested control of the lucrative American yogurt market. (That Americans all prefer the wrong kind of Greek yogurt is a testament to America's longstanding imperfect yogurt palate.) In response, the traditional yogurt powers are planning a massive yogurt counteroffensive in hopes of retaking the yogurt market high ground. Did Fage and Chobani simply imagine that they would waltz in, Greekly, and take away all that good old-fashioned American yogurt money that Yoplait has worked so hard to earn over all those years selling those little cups of "peach" or "strawberry" flavored bacterialized sugar milk? Yoplait is America's most popular yogurt, and Yoplait plans to remain America's most popular yogurt, even if it means that Yoplait must manufacture a new and distinctive blend of yogurt for each and every yogurt-eater in these United States of America!

Yoplait is planning line extensions for its traditional lineup, including Yoplait Simplait, which touts "just 6 simple ingredients," and Yoplait Fruplait, which has twice the fruit of regular Yoplait. "There is no question that we have ground to make up in Greek yogurt, and we have a plan to become a much more meaningful player in the Greek segment," said Steve Young, VP-marketing for Yoplait. But "for the long term, the far bigger opportunity for us ... is the growth potential of this [total] category."

Yoplait shall one dayplait have a flavorplait named after youplait! New Yoplait Thick n' Lite n' Fruity n' Proteiny n' Greek n' American n' Whole Grain Fat Free Whole Fat Yogurtplait Plate of Yogurt: Why not try some today? Or else.

[Ad Age]