Duncan Brannan, the voice behind Chuck E. Cheese's star character since 1993 and longtime (specifically: "forever") "Child of God through Christ Jesus" has been dropped from the company, The Dallas Observer reports.
The way he found out sucks, though we should expect no more from a business that thinks a plastic pencil case costing 9000 tickets is a suitable reward for flawless hand-eye coordination.
Brannan claims no one from CEC Entertainment, Inc., the corporation responsible for bringing Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theatre to the masses, bothered to notify him that he had been dropped from his gig of two decades. After realizing another performer's voice was featured in an upcoming promotional jingle (the hot new single "Chuck's Hot New Single" won't drop until later this week, but an mp3 is already floating around the Internet, killing the record industry), Brannan called the company himself and was told he had been replaced.
While Brannan is bummed about the fact he will no longer give voice to the anthropomorphic rodent responsible for so many frightened birthday tears, it turns out that was always more of a side gig, anyway. His "one true real job," he explained in a lengthy goodbye letter to the fans that surely, somewhere, must exist, is bringing people closer to God.
"…my sincere hope is that you — you Fans, you parents, and all you kids who have loved Chuck E. Cheese over the years — have seen, heard, or experienced Jesus Christ in and through my life in some way. For He is all that matters, now and for all eternity. I hope that you have seen Christ in me. I hope that He touched your life through mine in some special way and, if that happened, then I was doing my one true real job, which is sharing Him with all of you."
Fingers crossed he doesn't get fired from that gig too.