If you are a best friend or close friend or casual acquaintance of or do not really know Kanye West, chances are you are reading these words under the watchful gaze of a $34,000 gold skull statue recently given to you by Kanye West.
That's because, if recent news reports are to be believed, Kanye West has become That Guy Who Hands Out $34,000 Gold Skull Statues to his friends.
Jay-Z's daughter Blue Ivy did not get her dad anything for the holiday because she is selfish and stingy with money.
An anonymous source (who based on the determinedly casual way he tosses around "Ye"s and "Jay"s, has almost certainly has never met Jay-Z or Kanye West) told the magazine that "Ye" was so anxious over the unreliability of standard courier services he chartered a private jet to pick-up and hand deliver the gift to "Jay," who probably raised his brows really high and mumbled things like, "Heeeeeey…That's neat…look at that…" when he unwrapped it.
Since then, Kanye West has been handing out useless $34,000 gold tchotchkes left and right.
Just moved into a new apartment? Here's a $34,000 gold skull statue from Kanye West.
Today is your 10th wedding anniversary? Here's a $34,000 gold skull statue from Kanye West.
Your uncle died last week, in lieu of flowers, please send donations to the Alzheimer's Foundation of America? Here's a $34,000 gold skull statue from Kanye West.
Now HipHollywood.com is claiming West has given out another $34,000 gold statue (this one set with white sapphires) to Kim Kardashian. He reportedly even had it engraved with the letters "KKW" (for "Kim Kardashian West") on the rear, a detail which makes the $34,000 gold skull statue no more useful or interesting.
If you would like a $34,000 gold skull statue to clutter your home, you can buy one direct from the source, wait for Kanye West to give you one, or pick one up for $5—okay, fine, $3—eight years from now when Jay-Z has a yard sale.
[Complex Magazine // HipHollywood.com // Image via Lions and Sons]