Crazy Mixed-Up Women Hate Sports But Like Men

Women. Is... is this... is this true?

A study published recently on the sports-viewing habits of married women found that wives were more likely to watch televised sports as a means of maintaining their relationship with their husbands than for their own enjoyment.

Do you mean to tell me that when your personal ad says "I love to watch the sports and drink beer too, go team!" and when you told me you "totally" wanted to go to the Knicks game with me and when you told me had a "really fun time" at the baseball game even though you texted throughout the entire ninth inning rally and when you said you had a "long day at work" when you fell asleep at several different boxing matches and when you said that you "loved" the "awesome" personalized Jacksonville Jaguars jersey I bought you for our anniversary and when you said "sure" I could wear a Florida Gators hat in our wedding and when you said "a bug flew in my eye" when I thought you were crying when I told you that our honeymoon would be the SEC Championship game and when you said my orange Tennessee Volunteer boxer shorts were "very sexy" and when you said that you "supposed you could live with" giving our firstborn daughter the middle name "Tiger" and when you forced a tight smile after I told you that I'd won a Doritos™ brand "Super Bowl Trip For Life" prize package that entitled us to go to the Super Bowl every single year for the rest our lives over and over and over again and again and again until we both are dead leaving the majority of our memories of our lives together as one blurry tableau of foam finger-waving and announcer-spouted platitudes, that that was all some sort of... lie?

That's not the behavior of a champion.

[LAT. Photo: Ed Yourdon/ Flickr]