If you are a human being with a television and a heart, you have seen a commercial advertising Google Chrome and you have cried over it.
Maybe you watched "Dear Sophie" and thought, "I wish my dad emailed me things other than forwards from my aunt."
Maybe you watched "Coffee" and thought, "I wish someone loved me enough to build an elaborate interactive media website to win me back."
Maybe you should reconsider that.
A tipster recently sent us a link to ILoveYouAlyssa.com, one man's very musical corner of the Internet dedicated to loving the Alyssa that got away.
The homepage features a letter to Alyssa whose last name, mercifully, is never supplied:
I want you to know how much I miss you. I mean every word I have said to you or written to you with all my heart. Sometimes life throws you a roadblock and I have all the faith that our relationship was strong enough to blast through this.... I have said and written a lot, yet somehow I miss you and love you more than I can put into words.
Instead, he uses someone else's words:
A great American wordsman by the name Ja Rule said Pain is Love. If that is the case, then I must love you more than any human has ever loved someone.
Other pages include quotes to Alyssa ("I miss my SEXAY BABAY !!!!"), promises to Alyssa ("I promise that we will merge a lot more than just bank accounts"), memories of [doin' it with] Alyssa ("Remember when we 'put in overtime' in my office. On my desk"), and things about Alyssa that are missed ("I miss you saying 'He has the craziest look in his eyes'").
While the whole project is so exquisitely awkward it's hard to shake the notion it's some kind of viral marketing campaign (for Ja Rule's back catalogue?), our tipster reports that Alyssa is real, has "seen the website and is appropriately horrified by it."
Though she has since found love elsewhere, do not let that stop you from clicking around and taking a nostalgic romp through those Alyssian Fields.
Because, if ILoveYouAlyssa.com teaches us anything, it's that opportunities for true happiness are few and far between.
Also, real life is not nearly as charming as those Google commercials.
UPDATE: As the site's overloaded, and will likely be pulled at some point (domains are not forever), we'll post the screenshots below:
Top image by Jim Cooke, source photos via siloto and kentoh/Shutterstock.